The Not So Silent Week in Racine

 by Paula Danforth

Last week the Dominican Novices went on a silent directed retreat at the Siena Center in Racine, WI.

We were told ahead of time to have an idea of what we wanted to accomplish and share that with our spiritual director for the week.  It was also suggested that we not be too surprised when the Holy Spirit considered our agendas, giggled, and totally sent us down a different path for the week.  Well, that was not the exact wording but the sentiment was similar in my recollection.  That is exactly what happened for me.  I did not have a specific agenda and was open to where the Spirit would lead.  

This week the Holy Spirit was more like crashing surf plowing loudly into the shoreline than a calm white dove gently leading me along in comfort and ease...Seems God had a great deal of trust in my capacity for learning this week.  Silly me for being open and having no plan of my own to follow.

 My not so silent retreat...I really tried.  Mostly I spent the week in silence.  Occasionally I had to talk to the food service people.  I also talked to this little guy who taught me a lesson in trust.  I thing it may not count against the silence pact.  I am pretty sure he doesn't speak English and I don't speak chipmunk.  Here is the story.

I went for a walk and stopped in a boggy section of the property and a little face peeked up from under the bridge I was standing on.  He popped up again through the grate of the bridge and then dipped under again.  He got brave and jumped up on the rail side of the bridge.  He ran toward me but stopped about five feet away from me.  He seemed to be assessing the situation.  Could he cross the bridge with me on it.  I stood very still but he turned around and ran back to shore.  He tried again, this time coming within three feet of my shoes.  He looked around and hightailed it back to the shore again and promptly hopped down onto a fallen log and used that for a path instead of crossing the bridge around me.  He did make it to the other shore.

I thought about my encounter with this 4 ounce bundle of fur.  This is how I (maybe we) approach God sometimes.  I / we take a few steps toward God, then get nervous and retreat.  Then take a few more steps closer to God and then retreat a few steps back.  

My director for the week seemed to know exactly how to challenge me.  The very first day she reminded me of John 21:15-17 where Jesus asks Simon Peter three times if he loves him?  Then my director asked me, "What might you answer if God asked you... Paula, do you trust me?"  Three times.

Maybe someday you and I will be sitting down to lunch and I will trust you enough to tell you how that conversation worked itself out between me and that wonderful, insightful, spiritual director.  

In the mean time, I will say that like the chipmunk to me, I spent a great deal of time assessing my ability to go closer to  God. 😇  I know how I answered my spiritual director that week.  This is a big question for those of us in discernment.  I "got to the other shore too."  I'd like to challenge you to think about this, if you dare.  How would you answer when God asks you...do you trust me?