So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

Things are really beginning to wind down quickly now. There's still a little over two weeks left, but some of that will be spent in meetings, and some in quiet retreat, so we've started the boxing up and uber-cleaning already. Today is the day we are “boxing up” this blog – we're all creating our sign-off posts. This blog has been a wonderful way of communicating with Dominicans and other friends all over the country; it has truly been an added blessing of our year. We'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has been reading – both the commenters and the lurkers – because ya'll contributed to making this year such an extraordinary experience for us.

The key thing to remember at this time is that every ending is a beginning, and everything that gets boxed up and put away will be open again at some point. It feels like the novitiate is coming to a close, but really, it's just opening up to its full potential. This year has been a year in preparation, a year in training. The true race is just getting started. Ready, set... --Kelly

wuv, twu wuv

It’s hard to believe my year at the CDN is about over. I still remember when I was blessed and sent on my way from Sinsinawa and arrived at this large house that would be called home on August 18. It’s also hard to believe that this is my last blog post on “A Day in the Life”. After each of us say our farewell to our blog followers the blog will sleep for the summer and hopefully be picked up again in the fall by a new set of Novices.

In our first newsletter, I wrote that I was looking forward to blessings and fun times and that I was ready for the year. Remembering the naiveté of that statement nine months later makes me smile. This year was certainly filled with blessings and fun times, but it has also had struggles and confusion. I am beginning to understand what my sisters were trying to tell me when they said that novitiate is a blessed year unlike any other, but that it is also tough.

I loved getting to know sisters and friars from the wider Dominican Family. Sharing prayer, meals, class and ministry helped me understand that we are a family and that we need each other. I also appreciate being in class with men and women Novices from other Religious Orders. These sessions provided peers whom I could bounce ideas off of and share my journey. I am amazed at the quality of speakers we were able to bring in through the Inter-Community Novitiate Program including Ron Rolheiser and Tony Gittins.

I also appreciate the rougher times during the year; the hard questions posed, the growth encouraged and the stretching required. It has been a huge blessing to be companioned and directed by two women who love religious life so much that they want to help me discern if it is right for me as well. The care they showed and the time they took to sit with me as I learned the skills needed to live in community and wrestled with questions that are bigger than any one of us was such a gift. Of course, the year wouldn’t have been the same without my fellow novices. These two women were a witness of the blessings of living in community. The concern and love shown when a member of community was grieving the loss of a dear friend, or when one was physically not 100% was matched only by our  laughter as we told stories of our day, reminisced about plans thrown out the window and quoted favorite lines from movies.

The support provided me during this Canonical year in St. Louis will stay with me long after I leave the city. Through notes, e-mails, care packages, comments on the blog and encouragement spoken as sisters traveled through our house, I knew I was part of a larger community that all wanted to help me discover if living the Dominican Life is where I can be my most authentic self.

To quote one of our favorite lines at the CDN this year I felt the “wuv, twu wuv” from every direction.

—Sr. Krissie Koll, Dominican Novice based in Sinsinawa, WI

What does it mean to be family?

Have we ever taken the time to ponder such a question?  Growing up, the pictures I drew always included my mother and father.  Even if my sister and I weren’t getting along, she was always in my picture.  I was blessed then, as I am now, for there was nothing I lacked.  I never knew what I “needed”.  But as I grew older I began to see more clearly that the love and support of family is God’s gift freely given.  It wasn’t then, nor is it now, the things I acquired that gave me the opportunities I have been blessed to receive.  It was the encouragement and support that instilled in me confidence to find the path God has carved out for me.

I am a novice with the Dominican Sisters of Sparkill, but more importantly, I am a novice learning what it means to be a member of the Dominican family.  I was blessed as a child with a family who nurtured and taught me the importance of giving of myself.  I am blessed as a woman in discernment with a family who models for me the challenges lived, and graces given, when we continue to focus on the “we” and not simply the “I”; that as big as we are, the need for one another stretches beyond our local communities.

So, I ask you what we were asked this past week…

“How important is being family for me personally as a Dominican?”  

-Chris

Novice in the Dominican Family 

Tick, Tock

So, my watch broke....again (this is the second watch this year!). The problem is, I'm one of those people that really, really depends on her watch. I like knowing what time it is, what I'm doing during that time, what I'm going to be doing at a future time, etc. This not knowing has thrown me for a loop. However, I think this may be a blessing in disguise. (What isn't, after all?)

You see, another thing that's going on here (besides a broken watch) is that things are kind-of, sort-of beginning to wind down. We had our last intercommunity novitiate class last week and our final Aquinas classes this week. This means people around us are asking “How much longer do you have left?” and even “Are you counting the days?” However, the problem is that even though the classes are winding down, the novitiate is still going strong. We have Dominican Learning Seminars, papers, presentations (anyone out there have any good insights into the Rule of St. Augustine? Please share!), trips, etc. We are still busy! Formation continues! (Formation always continues!)

I am especially aware of this because, for most of my life, I have not been very good at living in the present moment – I'm always planning ahead or bemoaning what I've missed out on in the past. Usually, near the end of an experience like the CDN, I'd be worried about having to “fit it all in” or “but I'm not ready to leave.” In other, less positive experiences, I'd be worried about exactly how many days were left or planning out my schedule for what comes next. But that's not the case here – I'm not worried about finishing too soon or too late. I'm not overly concerned about what remains to be done or what will happen after. I'm just enjoying this time for what it is, and I'm concentrating on making it as useful and productive as all the previous time here at the CDN has been. That's good enough for now.

So, if you want to know how much time we have left at the Collaborative Dominican Novitiate, don't ask me. My watch broke.

--Kelly

Spring Has Arrived

Here in St. Louis, spring came a lot earlier than I am used to in Chicago and Milwaukee. The flowers are out and some have even lost their petals and are now just providing green for the landscape. Kelly has  taken advantage of the warmer weather and planted many seeds in the flowerbeds and a number of pots on our porch. I have enjoyed watching the bits of green come up and then turn into leaves and hopefully soon flowers and herbs. I often find myself outside talking to the plants encouraging them and becoming excited when I see new growth.

Last Friday, I had the privilege of planning a day of reflection for our CDN community, so I utilized what was given to us outside by focusing on seeds and plants. There is a lot of effort and work going on in the soil as the seed breaks open and is transformed. On the plants journey to the surface it might have to move pebbles and soil around and fight for water. Most of this is going on before we see any progress.

Thinking about this past year, a lot of the work that we have done has been below the surface. Inner growth and struggles that are not obviously apparent to the people around us. We have pushed aside old behaviors and yearned for experiences that nourish and sustain us. Over the course of the year each one of us has blossomed into a unique and strong woman living the Dominican Charism because of the struggles and joys we have been presented with.

--Krissie

Waiting for God

In the Garden where I am called to be,

God has invited me to listen, 

and to be amazed.

In the vastness of the rain,

shelter has been provided

and I am once again reminded I am not in control.

The path strewn before me is unsteady,

rocky, and “slippery when wet”.

Each step I take is filled with caution

and uncertainty.

Where will it lead?

Will I be forgotten as I walk away from “home”?

Will I be welcomed in the newness of who I am becoming?

“Do not hold onto me”.

Christ reminds me that the gift of His love for me is to be shared.

I cannot hold onto the past

while I am being invited to grow.

I cannot relive the familiar

in my attempt to avoid the fear of the unknown.

I have a story to share

that is only a small chapter, a paragraph

in the humanity within which I was created to live.

But without this paragraph, this chapter,

the story is incomplete.

How much God is rejoicing,

for it is not I who waited for God,

but God who waited for me.

- Chris

Germination

Imagine what a seed must go through – there it is, all cozy and warm, surrounded by a familiar darkness, getting to know the dirt particles around it and the worms next door. Then, suddenly, WHAM! Spring hits. All of a sudden all of these changes start happening. Suddenly it's grow, grow, grow, push, push, push. The seed can no longer stay in its nice, comfy home – it has to move upwards into a new and unknown environment.

Of course, we on the outside are unaware of all of this. All we do is look around and talk about how “Spring is in the air!” and admire the beautiful flowers. We admire the changes around us, unaware of what it's like to experience it firsthand.

Yet, there's a reason Easter comes in the springtime of the year. During this liturgical season, we are called to mirror the growth and changes we see around us as part of the environmental season. We are called to do the hard work of pushing ourselves outward and upward, opening ourselves up in new and unfamiliar ways, and exploring different and challenging environments. We are called to transform ourselves, to recreate ourselves anew, and to discover what God has planned for us next.

Here at the novitiate, talk of change is definitely in the air. Though our year here still has several months left to go, we are already noticing changes in ourselves and our relationships, and there's talk of how we will carry these changes back to the familiar soils of our home communities. What types of flowers are coming into bloom here in St. Louis, and will they mix well with the home gardens? How will we change the environment around us, and what change will it work on us? At this point it's difficult to see where things will go. It's like waiting for the bud to open so you'll know the flower's color – there's no way to tell! But that's OK – at this point, we should be less concerned with the final color of the flower and more invested in making sure it's the biggest, brightest, healthiest flower it can be! Onwards and upwards! Grow, grow, grow!

--Kelly